The Agonist and the Ecstasy

 In muscular action two muscles around a joint often have opposite roles. One the agonist performs the contraction while the antagonist is one of relaxation. There can also be eccentric contractions which allows a weight to be lowered slowly and smoothly, and both muscles coordinate the action. My current understanding is that my anxiety interferes with my ability to come a more idealized standing and sitting posture. When I am activating my flexors, I don't completely activate my extensors muscles. Over habituation of my lifetime the partial activation of my flexors could no longer be felt consciously.  The incomplete activation of my extensors also became normal, and I lived my life in an inferior musculoskeletal pattern

Working with the mini dramas I am trying to find anxiety provoking subjects and feel what I am doing. The greater the anxiety the more I seem to be able to feel the activation of my flexor pattern.  In this particular drama the wife is a divorce attorney. She professes a great love for her husband even getting his name tattooed on her collar bone. but she recklessly seeks out affairs with other men. During the drama her current lover continually send texts and videos of their affair to the husband.  They even drug him so they can heighten the thrill of their escapade while he is asleep next to them. The plot, the acting, are ridiculous but from the get go I identify with the husband.  In many of the dramas the cheating spouse can't stand the innocent spouse or has been conned by a scumbag which can be partially understood. However, to have a spouse who shows great sincerity in one minute and in the next she is pursuing her own ecstasy evokes a greater sense of loss in me.  If I don't take frequent breaks while watching, I can't easily clue in to what I am doing muscularly.  Taking a pause, I can feel the tightness in my ribs and a significant portion of the flexor pattern that has been cued.  This pattern is always present in me even when doing simple tasks however the greater the anxiety the more I am in conflict with myself.