I received an email ad today for a Feldenkrais program. It spent some time on talking about breath and listening to your body as you lay on the floor. I am in agreement that in order to find what you are doing you have to be able feel instead of blindly following advice. What I think happens if I try to stand or sit in my usual way I have the rounded shoulders, and a posterior tilted pelvis but if I try to counteract by standing straight I put myself in opposition what my anxiety is dictating my body to do. This is felt as work and strain and I collapse myself back into my usual posture very quickly. I have learned to adapt my way of walking, running and living to this faulty posture and in a way that's who I am.
Using the Asian dramas to promote an increase in my anxiety I am actively trying to increase the feeling of peril and sense what I am doing and interfere with my normal process. When I identify with the protagonist and become immersed in the plot it is almost impossible to feel what I am doing. It is not until step out of the frame and examine that I can feel what I am doing. Then I can relax the shoulders and sit with better posture. I am able to move into the chest relax the pressure on my sternum anterior.
There is another element that is appearing. Not only do I round myself into a ball I move my center of gravity backward by withdrawing from what is front of me. It seems to bring in a postural balance reaction. I then need extra muscular contractions to keep from falling backward. It is not until that I move my center of gravity forward that it allows my back to a more normal resting position. There is a saying about having no backbone which is an accurate picture of my life. My back is constantly under strain because it is an active response to anxiety
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