Saturday, April 19, 2014

Left me alone

On more occasions I can have the left side of my head relax. It feels my 'usual' is to pull back on the left side of my head. It is does not feel to be necessary but does feel it is a learned behavior with several factors. One I look to connect with other peoples right eye with my right eye. Two I think there is a slight advantage of freedom in speech for the right side if the left side is more stabilized. Three I think there is a social element of fear of being hit by a right hand causing a pulling back of my structures on the left.  I think there is a social learned element in my posture as a whole. The way I relate to people has a large defensive fear component. In a way the posture itself probably provokes the reaction I seek to avoid. There have been many times in my youth that I was bullied being small and a very late maturer.  I felt I did nothing to cause the bullying but thinking about it now I wonder how much the postural element provoked the dominant primate response.

I defer to people a great deal as usually I am more afraid of their anger than I am in being right in the current situation. I also have the sense of powerlessness in the presence of the dominant personality that I adopt both on the emotional and structural skeletal level. Hopefully being able to access my left side habitual tendency to pull away on a very fundamental level will give me more freedom of response.

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