Monday, July 1, 2013

Left sided fear

monkey's uncle

I think my left side is a lot like the monkey that runs away in the clip above. Never having the feeling that it was wanted and loved it remains guarded and undifferentiated in it's movements.  The left eye of others somehow unseen throughout my life. I knew it was there but I did not look at it for visual input in communication. My right eye made the connection with my parents right eye. By learning to cross my midline it became the dominant eye. That small movement and connection I believe set up my right side dominance of my tongues. My left tongue taking a passive subordinate role giving me the sense I just have one tongue. Body parts distal to my midline could learn to be differentiated from left and right while the more proximal parts remained undifferentiated.

I have a left hand and a right hand. I have a left tongue and a right tongue. I cannot use the musculature of the left tongue that is comparable to my right tongue even though I never had any problems talking, swallowing, or breathing. I am beginning to be able to sense my left tongue as independent as my left hand is from my right. I can also make eye contact with my left eye to another person's left eye which does not seem remarkable but remains remarkable in the sense that it is something new after reaching my half century mark. I believe I learned to be right handed but could as well have learned to be left handed. I do not know if I will ever completely extinguish the habitual fear that I have in my life.

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